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Posted by
Oct 17, 2005

"Will you be my friend?" asked the "The Goth." At that, the beavers vanished from non-existence, quite fortunately for them, too, as their pelts would have caught ablaze. "Aww, why do all my friends always kill themselves to get away from me?"

Because killing you would be a favor.

Gariland stood a moment in the booming echo of the narrator. After some thought, he lowered his dark head in shame. "Ouch, the truth." And through no fault of clumsiness, Gariland plummeted face-first into the spongy, delicious ground of the swamp, driving the truth that protruded from a bloody hole in his chest even further in.

"Don't worry, babies!" cried the rushing, unjolly green giant. "The Dangerous Doughnut-Devourin' Dingoes won't get to you before I do!"

"If they eat doughnuts," the black-clad poser mumbled from his prostrate position, "then why would they harm babies?"

"What? They are turning the babies into doughnuts!" an appalled D-Knight spat out, never breaking stride. "It is even worse than I thought! I'll get that Merry Cherry Ferry from the Deli Dale yet!"

"Wait, what did you say?" asked Gariland, pulling his face out of an impression in the ground marked 255. "Did you finally get the quest right?"

"Perhaps," admitted the old knight, "but I only said that on accident. What I actually meant to say is that I am going to kill you."

"Kill me?" complained the burning one, so filled with despair at this point that he could have killed himself. "What reason do you have to kill me?" questioned he. "... Well, which one are you citing? It is probably some made-up reason like protecting penguin-shaped pillows from the hunters that want them for their golden filling."

"Don't be ridiculous," D said, amazingly. "They are filled with silver, not gold," thoughtlessly explained the knight, all the while plowing further and further into the distance. "Besides, I have to kill you because... you stole my face."

"Ellipsis," Gariland replied quite confused. "Your... face?"

"Yeah, I haven't seen it for a while," the green one said louder and louder, "and you are the only person that's around, so you must have it."

"Blutty 'el," muttered Gariland from beneath his palm, smacked against his face. "Good thing the fool is so far away from me... now?" He peered behind himself to find the source of a looming and grizzles shadow. The D-Knight trained upon the slender Goth at full force. "Stupid teleportation! Damn you, vengeful spirit of Heisenberg!"

"The more precisely the position is determined, the less precisely the momentum is known, bee-yotch!" mocked the disembodied physicist, who had apparently gained the ability to violate his own scientific principle in the afterlife.

Meanwhile, at the tavern of Tavern, there is a huge celebration without a sad face in the crowd. It obviously means one of two things: opiate happy hour or a funeral.

"Does anyone want to say a few words?" 'Leo solemnly stated, wiping away a tear with his All-Purpose Swab.

"Vest," the Ghobling said after a disappointing length of time spent in thought.

".... That... that was only one word."

"Smaire," Kodiro said next.

"Okay, that wasn't even one word," the student informed, cleaning his glasses in frustration, or perhaps to wipe off the stupidity. "You know what? I don't even care. I mean, it isn't like Jack is actually dead or anything."

"Looks like the final nail in my coffin," a muffled voice cried from the casket, "was being hammered on the head by a two-by-four."

"Really? Who hit you?"

"Hacksaw!" responded the handyman.


"Screw this noise," the Rex Ranarum finally interrupted. "Where are we supposed to be going again?"

Well, since you backtracked, you must re-brave the Cotton Mountain (that is sometimes candy), swim the Caramel Rapids, pass the Gingerbread Swamp, wander through the Poodle-Padded Highway--

"Wait wait wait," sputtered out Hadoleo, who was browsing through a local map from his backpack. "The Gingerbread Swamp?"


"The Poodle-Padded Highway?"


"Aren't both of those next to the Tavern?" he realized upon analyzing the area.

... Yes. Your point?

"Then why did we have to go all that way?" Hadoleo queried. "All of our journey so far was just a loop. C'mon, gang, to the Poodle Padde-"

Not so fast! I didn't say you could go there. You have to go through the Swamp and the Rapids and the Mountain that is sometimes candy.

"But... why?"

Because I said so! Isn't that enough for your people? So then, the whole party set out for the Cotton Mountain once more... well, first, they stood around, giving the Nary Gary Wary some evil looks, pounding their fists for a while... brandishing some whirring chainsaws. But they are certainly going to continue onward to the jagged cotton peaks after this. The goblin is carrying a cactus for some reason. The handsome narrator asks what purpose the plant could serve, and then doubts that it will fit in there.

'Tis an awful scene as they swarm the non-broom-like NGW, but the mobbing doesn't phase our brave narrator. He meant to bleed like that, and he was never so fond of that arm anyway. Using a cunning possum tactic, he allowed the rumblers to carry his seemingly broken and bent body away into the... what? Oh no, not the casket!

"Heya, buddy," greeted NGW's new roommate. "Looks like you could use a hand... -yman"

Oy, why couldn't they have taken my head instead of my hand? I can't even strangle myself now. I am so jealous of that whiny Goth right now...

"Give... me... back... my... smaire!" the hulking D-Goliath demanded between pulverizing punches to the puny ninja-esque's head.

"That's not even a word!"

Posted by
Oct 21, 2005

“So now I guess we’ve gotta go,” Hadoleo announced. “…Finally,” he added afterwards.

“Why aren’t we moving?” Kodiro questioned.

“I think it’s because we’re stuck in peanut butter,” the King of Frogs concluded.

“Yeech! Who would want peanut butter to cover the floor with?” the Ghobling asked.

“You…you were wiping it on your face some time ago, right?” Kodiro queried.

“That was a different kind of peanut butter. There are three brands of them, ya know?” Bimblesnaff answered. “Or maybe more. Or less.”

“If we’re done discussing peanut butter,” Hadoleo began, “I do not think we are stuck because of it. Peanut butter isn’t viscous enough to entrap things in it…living things, at least. Scientific studies have proven that.”

“So we need to use science to get out and moving!” Rex Ranarum exclaimed.

“No! Well…yes, actually, if we just apply physics and move our legs out. Which we can’t do, for some reason.”

“I know why,” piped up the fiend. “We’re talkin’ and not movin’ at the same time.”

At this response the student smacked his face, but whether it was out of frustration because of his peers or his inability to find the answer to their current predicament is unknown, unfortunately.

“Eh? Aren’t you in a casket?” the blue clad vagrant questioned.

Me? Of course not! As the overseer of the Rumbl-o-Rama, I must narrate the course of events that occur.

“So that’s it,” the student said. “We needed a narrator to move us along.”

“But how’d you fit yourself back together?” the Ghobling asked. “How’d you get ‘ere, anyways?”

What? The narrator required some time to recall recently passed events. Oh, you did all those stuff to Nary Gary Wary. I am Nary Wary Gary. Nary Gary Wary is just a side of me who is my brother’s father’s grandfather’s nephew’s son’s nephew.

“…So, he’s your alter ego?” Hadoleo helplessly guessed after attempting to draw out a diagram of NWG’s family history on the peanut butter and instead getting his pencil stuck in it.

Uh, yeah. But that’s not important. What’s important is that you all will now traverse the Cotton Mountain that is occasionally candy, the Caramel Rapids, and through the Gingerbread Swamp to reach the Poodle-Padded Highway.

The student groaned as he was the only one of the group considering the extra physical work involved.

Oh, one more thing. I wouldn’t like to leave my…friend behind. Could you carry this for me?

Turning back to the tavern, Hadoleo was horror-struck upon seeing a casket falling down upon him. Bracing himself for the inevitable symbol of death, the student jumped to life upon realizing the casket only weighed as much as a backpack…a backpack filled with 2,000-page textbooks and heavy laptops that hadn’t even been heard of in the land of Ref.

“Okay…where’s Rex?” the burdened student questioned NWG, in the hopes of shifting “some” of the weight to the companion.

He’s already climbing the Mountain.

Frustrated in his efforts, Hadoleo turned to his remaining companions to find a most shocking sight. Kodiro had an eerie, hypnotized look in his eyes, and he was pointing his wand, strangely dripping with peanut butter, at another figure. The student gazed at the second orange-ish figure for only a moment.

“Aaaaaaah! It’s a peanut butter monster!” Hadoleo panicked and took off in the direction NWG indicated.

“Looks like you’d better bolt!” the voice from inside the casket said, though how the handyman knew about outside events escaped logical understanding.

“What’s with ‘im?” Bimblesnaff asked.

“Uh, I’m sure it’s only a trick on his eyes. I believe I should be going now,” the fashion-mage quickly replied while hiding his wand. As Kodiro rushed to follow the others and get away from the fiend, he dropped another looking glass. Bimblesnaff caught his reflection off of the glass and realized his transformation into…a kind of peanut butter monster, at least judging by his new clothes bestowed on him by Kodiro’s wand.

“Why are you still hitting me?” Gariland asked between the knight’s relentless strikes.

“You have ruined my dreams! My dreams!” D yelled as he continued hitting with renewed vengeance.

You two are fighting?

“Uh…yeah,” was all the black-clad man could respond with between repeated pummeling.

You know, I hate to point out characteristics that people should already know about themselves, but don’t you have swords to defend yourself with?

“I do?” Gariland asked as he was punched again in the head. “Wow, those concussions must be getting to me.”

Now I have a strong desire to add one myself.

Posted by
Nov 2, 2005

"I can't believe we have to go through these places again," whined 'Leo, struggling to catch up with the vagrant. "It seemed to take us forever to get through them the first time, and now all of the interesting obstacles have been either removed or destroyed." His words bounced up the crags to the frog man's ear, striking him profoundly.

"Funny," pondered the ruler of the hopping amphibian, "but wasn't this whole mountain reduced to ash when Gariland ran into it ablaze?"

"No, you fool!" an angry cry shouted from within the blue skinned. "You have doomed all!"

"Spirit of Rumblo?" Rex had forgotten his internal passenger. "What do you mean doomed? And, by such, I do not implore the knowledge of how our fates will be tragically altered but what this word 'doomed' means, despite having already demonstrated that I have full knowledge of such."

"... what?" the Spirit blurted out before remembering to who it was a passenger of. "You have brought light to a great evil, and this means its wrath has been invoked!"

"Oh, no," chirped the frog king, as they mountain crumbled to the cinders it was, "I forgot what wrath meant as well!" Tumbling down the disintegrating ridge, a swirling vortex consumed the area, creating a creamy liquid from the burnt cotton, caramel current, and perplexing peanut butter.

In my eyes, indisposed, in disguise no one knew, hideth the face and lieth a snake, rambled Gary with a finger aimed high. The sun, in disgrace, was boiling heat and summer stench 'neath the blackening heavens. The sky looketh dead, but they called its name through the cream and heard thou scream again... Ranarum managed to break through long enough to speak these words:

"Plot Hole Sun,

  Won't you come,

    And wash away our pain?

Plot Hole Sun,

  Won't you come?

    Won't you come?"

The mysterious second sun lowered even closer to the earth, orbiting above the pool and those who cried out to it, calling to them, "Stuttering, cold and damp, steal the warm wind, tired friend." Its brilliant blaze forced back the milky tide of confusion that was drowning the Rumblers. Reaching into itself, it pulled out a writhing serpent, just as Gary had foretold. In doing this, its true form was revealed, the Plot Hole Sun.

"Times are gone for honest men, and sometimes far too long for snakes," it told, glowering at the wyrm. "In my shoes, a walking sleep, and my youth, I pray to keep, Heaven send Hell away." Swinging the devil around by the tail, the scaly fiend was hurtled far away. It chuckled, "No one will sing like you anymore."

Placing its giant and somehow anatomically possible hand over them, it commanded, "Hang your head, drown your fear, till you all just disappear." This was not a ritualistic motion, however, but merely a distraction, like all good magicians use. With the spectators blinded, the Sun reached around to its back where their was a large, round, red button labeled, ">> Fast Forward: Use only in case of dire suck."

zzzzzzzzwwzzzzzzwwzwzwwwwwwwwzzwwwzzzzzzzzzzwwzzwzzzwwww... click.

"What is this trickery?" cursed the giant D. "Those knaves have already caught up to me in the Gingerbread Swamp?"

"I guess you shouldn't have spent so much time wailing on me," Gariland said from Vincent's fist, which was where his face currently was stuck to.

"That's not all, butch-boy," Kodiro chimed in from a distance, "but the Tweezers of Dehairing are back!" Holding up the dazzling pair, great fear entered the heart of the normally unshakable man, sending him off in a bolt, crushing poodle pavement under his great feet. However, the fashion mage was prepared for such a wise act. Tightening the laces on his brand name running shoes, he sped after the aged, young warrior with the speed only a sweat shop of five year olds could provide.

"Well, thank goodness he finally left me," sighed the green skin, rising over the horizon. "Now I can get rid o' all this tasteless junk," Bimblesnaff praised, tossing off arm floaties, a stove pipe hat, and a fake mustache. None of it was given to him by the wizard of wardrobe, but the lunatic was wearing it to conceal his identity from the styled guru he so loathed. After lighting his disguise on fire, and an effigy of Kodiro, he strolled on through the mire carelessly, almost tripping over the black clad loser.

"He didn't put my face on the right way, did he?" Gariland asked through his backwards placed lips.

"Dammit, am I gonna be stuck wit' ya?" moaned the maniac. "That wun do at all! I mean, ya've already been tortured and beat to death!"

"Ooh," groaned the inside-out faced man, "I wish I didn't suck." Bogg scratch his chin, forming a thought and thereby surpassing his yearly limit.

"I'm together wit' yer plan," the fiend agreed. "Steal the rhythm while ya can." Jumping at the pseudo-Goth, Bimblesnaff clutched the man in bandaged claws and boosted him skyward. Still blacked from the earlier havoc, the Plot Hole Sun swooped by, passing directly through Gariland. As the body spun out of control, the form tightened on its decent, sticking a pinpoint landing on cloth swaddled feet. His short tunic was tossed mildly in the wind while his long, shoulder length hair refused to leave his face. His left arm, entirely covered in black, loosely gripped the handle to his sabre. His other arm, entirely bare, only supported the tattoo of a flame on his biceps.

"Hey," he stated in a cool, collected voice, "I... don't suck now."

"Rock on! Now m' slave ain't a lame wad," greedily chuckled the lunatic.

"Whose slave?" The reformed Rumbler's voice did not raise yet struck with force. "I do not think I heard you well, slime?"

"Nothin' master," yelped the fiend, immediately falling prone. He would have minded it, but the ground was oh, so tasty and full of little people.

"You neglected to acknowledge our world," cried out one of the Gingerbread toad men before it was sucked into the ravenous maw of Bogg.

"We're losing time," Gariland declared, already moving forward onto the Poodle-Padded Highway. "Gather my things and try to keep up." Confused, the vile one looked around.

"What thin's?" he fearfully questioned. "I dun see anythin' layin' around." Turning back only an arm, a finger guided his gaze to a pile of rocks.

"Those," the black clad informed. "Those are my things. Carry them." With an annoyed, yet overly silent, grunt, the maniac obeyed.

Things may hath been well for-

"Hey, funny man," the funnier "man" charged, "what's wit' yer funny talk comin' back? Funny, thought ya dropped it?"

Art you one to speakest?


As I was speaking, things may hath been well for the rest of the Rumblers, but one man was not so pleased by the outcome. Fortunately, no one cared for him.

"What's that? Someone's voice? Could it be," prayed the individual trapped in darkness, "that I am not forgotten and screwed? I am pretty bored in here."

Yes, yes, all wisheth that you were lost to the ages, but one hath more dire plans for the handyman. As the lid was slid open, Jack beheldeth a great gleaming of light, blinding he.

"Who... who is that?" the carpenter begged, shielding his eyes from the light to no effect before forcibly uttering, "paint brush." The brilliance faded revealing a man holding a fingerless gloved hand over his bald, shiny head. As the second sun moved on to change the reflection, he adjusted a pair of shades and chuckled.

"Who am I? I am no one, no one at all," the man in the red jacket answered with a cruel smile. "I'm just glad the very fabric of continuity was altered by forces above."

"Forces above?" blurted the tool master. Kno Wuhn pointed a finger skyward, indicating the once thought second sun.

"Uh, all that lameness sure isn't settling well with me," it grumbled in pain, holding what could either be its stomach or crotch. With puffy cheeks and a distant look in its eyes, it rushed out, "This sure ain't gonna be two scoops of raisins!"

And, surely, it was not. Fortunately, the cascade of solar heave streamlined into a shape and flow perfectly sized to fit within the casket while leaving just enough room for the lid to be closed, a deed promptly performed to not let out any of the concentrated suckage.

"Additionally," tagged on Kno, "sun chunks reek."

So, was there any actual reason you opened the coffin, or what?

"Sure, why not?" With all doubts cast aside, in his mind, at least, Wuhn gave a tug to his coat's fly and started off on the adventure he never started but kinda did not really but was now so deal with it.

Makes sense to me. Meanwhile, at a distant location, the king and the student looked 'pon a sign marking the cross road, trying to discern it. Additionally, I was resolved of my additional personality yet still have issues with my parents... because they never existed. ... sniff.

"I don't know what his problem is," Rex stated, "aside from the one he just openly admitted having-"

I didn't mention it, Gary interrupted, wearing a dress.

"-but that was pretty straight forward directions to me. Well, all but the stupid pole they were attached to. I mean, two plus two is so not four." Hadoleo, however, found them harder to read, reading deeply into the markings. During his ponder, the airborne snake crashed back to the earth, impaling itself on the idiotic post, but this did not deter his attention.

Scratching his head, cleaning his glasses, and preparing astronomy charts, he begged, "What does it mean..."

Deli Dale- Where you want to go.

Tavern- The complete opposite of where you want to go.

Sound Garden- Ten years ago

Posted by
Nov 5, 2005

And so the travelers doth venture further from the places they have been, never to return to them again!

Kno Wuhn was confused as to whether or not he existed once again, up until the point at which he said "I think therefore I am," at which point he disappeared from existence again, most likely to return at a point where he will conveniently advance the adventure.

Upon the Rumblers almost simultaneous arrival at the Padded Poodle Highway, save Gariland and Bimblesnaff, D charged over the dog composed path screaming "The Great Gatsby of Godliness shall be mine, and with it I shall resurrect the spirit 1950's America!" . Following closely was Hadoleo, whose intensive study of canines lead him to say "This highway isn't poodles at all, furthermore it isn't by definition a highway, and blah blah blah..." at which point he really did begin to say blah over and over due to overloading himself with boredom.

Fortunately for the lord of the frogs, they had both in their idiocy not noticed a Puppy Pontiac of Pedaling. Unfortunately for the same, Kodiro watched from behind some technicolor bushes which was convenient as he was wearing his technicolor camouflage.

"Hmm, that ride be dope fly," the summoner of styles commented, "I would look straight bumpin' in that ride, pumpin' my tracks and sportin' my digs!"

"Speak english rainbow bouncy ball!" the D said, running past the same place once again.

And so they discovered the peril of the Poodle Padded Highways, that it is a system of complicated on and off ramps from which no mortal or immortal without some sort of map service can overcome!

And so they continued, the blue vagrant pedaled throughout the highway in search of his off ramp to the Deli Dale, Kodiro attempted to 'jack' the frog's ride only to get run over several times, and the D knight went on the same off and on ramps coninually shouting "Wheeeeeeeee!", despite the fact that he was just running. Hadoleo however sat down and searched for a map online using his laptop.

"Aha, refmaps dot com will lead me out of here!" the nerd master exclaimed, his voice cracking with each syllable.

As soon as the map was pulled up however, a great tremor shook the ground. The sound of several million dogs barking could be heard as the highway bent and twirled, crashing Mint's ride and tossing all off to the highway's initial on ramp.

The highway sprouted a sign near the entrance. With a chorus of small barks, words began to appear, at the sight of which the Frog King shrieked.

"AAAAhhhh, reading!"

Hadoleo however, shined with nerd juices at the chance to show off his literacy. "It's saying, The Poodle Padded Highway... Impossible to pass... Blocking... Plus five against fire... Immune to maps. Well that explains that. Hey...!"

VD was still attempting to catch the canine causeway ablaze until Kodiro once again attempted to tweeze him.

"Egads! A transsexual is trying to pilfer my coins with his clamps of doom!"

"Fo sho fool, you'd be fly as anythin' if you'd just let me get dat ear hair" The fashion mage told.

"Nay unfair maiden, it is my only defense against the book boy's sonic dork attack!"

As if on cue the geek emit a shrill voice crack that knocked the frog and mage out completely, while leaving the night only annoyed.

"Ive got it!" The student proclaimed, unaware of his sonic assault. "If this highway is a bunch of dogs," he continued, "then this ought to work!"

With that the greasy youth yanked a small kitten from his backpack, releasing it to the ground. As it stretched and purred, a low rumbling came from the ground. It was not until it mewed that the highway charged at the cat. Grabbing the nerd's small frame in one hand, D dived away just as several thousand tons of poodle crashed by in highway form. The road chased the kitten for dozens of miles until it reached the mythical city of cosmic dogcatchers. The bloodshed from the battle is remembered as legendary throughout all time, but that is neither here nor Rumblo.

Just as all in the small party began to stir again, a motorcycle could be heard approaching. Kodiro was quick to note "Dayum, that nucka be dope like a rope!" before being relieved of his consciousness by the disturbing Man-Frog.

Gariland screeched to a halt, with the purple clad Goblin stashed under some rocks in the side car. Leaping from the seat and performing several unnecessary flips to approach the group, the non-goth drew his sabre to the sky and struck a pose before saying,

"I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and Im all outta' bubble gum..."

"Well," the nerdling squeaked, "we kind of beat everything here."

With that Gariland took a drag off of a cigarette which magically appeared in his hand, threw off and stomped a pair of sunglasses produced through similar means, and pulled another, even COOLER pair of sunglasses out of his pocket and put them on. He then put the cigarette out on his hand and said,


He snapped his fingers and the motorcycle drove up to him (commanded by his ultimate coolness), and drove off with the semi-crushed goblin in tow, who could be heard hoarsely saying, "I only said this one thing the entire time!" before disappearing into the sunset.

The other four, more confused then awestruck, save Kodiro who was fist-struck and unconscious, just stood around.

"To the Fatty Flapjacks of Faith so I can satisfy my hunger!" D yelled storming off.

"I wonder how we can get to the Deli Dale now..." Hadoleo asked in a stupor.

"I think I can answer that!" Came a voice from Kno Wuhn specific

Posted by
Nov 13, 2005

While Kodiro dreamt of selling Funk Knight lingerie, our humble narrator sulks off from the group since there is another not quite existing entity that has everyone’s attention.

“Just a second! I thought you couldn’t think!” pointed out Hadoleo.

You wouldn’t know that.

“Yea… I wouldn’t.” The student turns to the cloaked figure. “Just who are you anyway?”

Wuhn never answered the question, practically because it would have been too complex of an action to answer, listen, and still remember the answer to the question previous. “If one wishes to obtain the ex. Edition of the dairy of lore, the next destination would be the through the town atop the Mesa of Sadistic Lovers of Hamsters!”

And the stragglers started on their way to the-

“ No, wait, that’s how I get to that fantastic shop of rainbows. We must tread through Yugothor’s Yard of Florescent Feet!”

On cue an eerie glow came from over the hill. The travelers gazed in awe at the plethora of colors and started over-

“Uh guys, that was that rainbow shop just opening. We have to take this chute to his garden.” Wuhn motioned to a slide that extended into the earth, with a very timid D sitting at the top.

“What’s the matter, jolly green giant?” childed the Amphibian sultan.

“I want my mommy!” blubbered the broken-down beserker from his perch. “I can’t follow a guy that rides a motorcycle down a tube. There’s just no beating it. Unless-”

Grabbing the Bufo-sapien by his collar, the Knight of Funk proceeded to use him as a state of the art bodyboard, making their way down into the hole.

“Kickflip! Weeeee!” Rex screamed with glee.

The living nerd followed headfirst, with his backpack to serve as a pillow’case anything hard lay at the bottom. All the while yammering about how the construction was below several chld safety protocols. Next cameth…well, are you two coming or what?

“Me?” questioned Kno, as he stood a fair distance from the fashion mage, poking him with a long and slender glass log. “I’m not going down there, its dark and scary.”

Yet you’ve been not existing in a dark void for-

“Jibba, cease wit yo stick a’ hate! Tis mangling my mascara!” Complained the designer of dark arts who had been conscious and standing patiently for quite sometime.

You wear mascara?...I always thought that was natural.

“Why thank-“

Anyway, tis not really dark, you can see a growing light at the end of the tunnel, as well as a steady rumbling sound.

“I just said it was pretty!” Ranarum’s voice projected from somewhere in the tunnel.

With a giant gush of wind a rainbow burst from the hole and lunged toward Kodiro, who ran away from it like a school boy with a serious gender identity crisis. Kno Wuhn’s eyes widened as he became infatuated with the being of light and began his pursuit. Eventually Kodiro tripped over his bellbottoms and fell down the slide, rainbow right behind him with Kno hanging on literally by its tail. Already at the bottom, Gariland touched down in a hurricane wheelie, hurling rocks and a ghobling in every direction.

“Too easy.” The rider muttered as he took in his surroundings. “Slave, remove me from this wretched place at once. In this haste, leave my belongings where they lie-”

“I’m a real boy!” claimed a small stone, who’s harassment was doubled by the glowing soleless appendages.

“-save that one.” The motorist seemed to extend his arm and point in a random careless direction, which happened to be where a henna inscribed boulder clung to the ceiling.

“How could you leave me?” the eyeless formation glared at Snaff, who was flattened by Vincent and Rex, who preferred it on the bottom, followed shortly by Syniarian.

“I didn’t get hurt this time!” Squealed the boy brainiac, who was then bashed to the smelly ground by rainbow entangled fashion mage and Kno Wuhn.

As the completed group collected themselves I made it down the slide after having a most stupendous time. From out of a teal glow sulked a huge lupine humanoid, with black tipped ears and splotches of blood on its cheeks (which was actually cherry pudding). Gariland raised his saber and revved his engine, glaring at the monster as it opened its mouth.

“I say, oh Rumblers of Ref, might you have any chutney?”

“You mean that we won’t have safe passage and you won’t even give us directions before you try to eat us?” the student queried as he backed up.

“Eh? Oh yes, right. If you do not relinquish your chutney, I shall have no choice but to make you stay in my yard until you do.”

The frog man looked inside his manatee can-a-teen to no avail. Gariland knew himself to be too cool to have such a condiment upon his self and refused to look whilst Snaff was busy being verbally harassed by a rock. D offered his beard as chutney, but it failed the monstrous Yugothor’s test. Kno Wuhn produced a can, but it didn’t exist, and after being scolded by the lycanthrope, both the phantom condiment and man winked from existence. Kodiro didn’t bother looking as he had a rainbow latched on to his pant-leg and growling, a sound easily mistaken for a ferocious Kazoo solo. If it wasn’t looking bleak, it was certainly smelling bleak as Hadeleo confirmed the florescence of the feet were due to extreme levels of radioactivity.

“Well I, uh suppose that if you are staying the night you are going to have to sleep on the floor of my daughters’ room.”

A wall from the cave opened revealing five non-clothed trim women giggling and covering themselves with pillows. This got the fiend’s attention. “Oh wait, Chutney? Here, I gots a can for ya.” The creature tossed the unopened container to Yugothor, and the wall slammed shut. Rex fell to the ground crying, but got up quickly since the stench overpowered him.

“Good chap you are there!” Voiced the abomination as he pulled a foot from the ground, slathered the chutney upon it and shoved it in his mouth. “I sure do enjoy the tangy flavor and my daughters do so love it as a body topping. Now, if you are to continue your journey, proceed to my left and you will find an opening leading you to the high tech Wadi of Whimsical Weasels.”

“A wadi is-” The geek began to cite the dictionary.

An Oasis.” Muttered everyone else as they started up on their quest once more.

Soon the travelers escaped the pungent smell of the yard and found the sky once again, as well as a tree rimmed oasis. Its only entry was barred by a single stand that read:

Weasel Construct Mark One’s Admissions/Pretzel Booth. Pay to enter and get a free pretzel, or suffer the wrath of flame vision.

Yes, it was a really big sign.

“Uh, guys, we got a problem.” Voiced the grizzled knight as the band shifted nervously. “I don’t like pretzels.

** There is still more to this story. Continue to the next page. **

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