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Posted by
Aug 2, 2003


The hurtling vessle bounced over the incompotently speaking being.

Screeching to a hault, Gobbo asked, "What'd we hit?"

"Oh, nothing of value," Flyria said, who apparently is dust-bunnies inside a Jell-o mold as well as moldy gelatin... which makes no frickin' sense, MORON! "Only Camo."

"Oh," he said uncaringly. "Is... there any left?" Turning to face the conglomeration, he noticed its cheeks full.

"No," he squeaked with a full mouth.

"Drat," he complaned. "And I wanted a monkey!"

"What?" The freakish pile questioned. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I dunno," he admitted, "but we're getting one now!" Cheerfully running off to acquire a primate, Flyria beat it's head into the ground repeatively before painfully following... for some reason.

The Crimson Marauder of DOOM! doom, doom... stood there all alone, until he found a magic bunny that became his bestest friend.

But that tale, my friends, is another story...

... actualy, it's not. He just ate it.

Posted by
Aug 6, 2003

Not soon after The Crimson Marauder of DOOM! doom, doom... had ended his relationship, the travellers came across a cheap gift shop. The forsaken mass of living jello grabbed some stale candy bars, while the CMODDD picked up a squirty camera. Gobbo screeched down the toy aisle and found what he desired: a single Computerized Automated Monkey Oodler that not only was stiff as a rock with cheap fabric fur, but knew a bajillion useless phrases. Of course, none of them had any money so in a heroic act of, er, marauderness, The Crimson Marauder of DOOM! doom, doom... did the second best thing he could do! He FORGED an 'I owe You' note! With the kindergarten dropout dealt with behind the cashier, the trio ran off into the wild! In the lead was Gobbo, hearing every single death threat and just out reach and 'squirty camera range' while he pushed the talk button on his Computerized Automated Monkey Oodler rapidly with his pinky finger.

And no closer to finishing their quest,scratch that. And no closer to finding out exactly what their quest is, our hero's will soon be grappling each other. But what is that odd smell? It's luckly not any of them, but considering how long its been since any of them bathed, it sure seems like it. Little know to any, the source of the reeking aroma is

Posted by
Aug 6, 2003

And then some random little asian kids began to sing the Gamera theme song.

the next thing that happened was a giant turtle began flying about.

Posted by
Aug 9, 2003

"Ew, Gamera smells funny," squeaked Flyria, who now wore a sign around is makeshift neck reading, "NOT JELL-O, YOU FRICKIN' TARD MONKEYS!!!" as a third telling for those illiterates who haven't figured it out by now or are just too stupid to acknowledge such a plainly stated fact.

"Sorry," the lunatic said, "but, due to international copyright laws, we cannot have Gamera appear in this story. This is the surprisingly similiar 'Phantasmagorical-Spinning-Attack-Turtle' whose theme song is entirely played with a single note on a kazoo." As Gobbo attempted a terrible, more legally used rendition of the Guardian of Children's theme song, Flyria approached him.

"Wait, if that's true," it asked, "then how come we can call me Jell-o?"

"Ah, nertz," the knave groaned, smacking his head. "It's Green Jelly* all over again! But don't you worry, I've figured out a solution to this problematic circumstance as well."

(* Don't you know that Green Jelly rules?)

So, as Gobbo beat the life out of the dust-bunny conglomeration, the P-S-A-T plummeted upon the small Asian child.

"No," he moaned on death's wings, "I thought you loved us!" It rose and dropped five more times.

"Never!" The astral reptile emerged from its shell, disposing of the sparklers it was holding within. "I hate all males who wear hot pants! I mean, ah, jeez. Put on some pants, you little freak!"

"I don't think he can hear you any more," the green rogue pointed out.

"How so?"

"Well," stated, scratching the back of his neck, "you killed him."

"Oh... right. Well, you seem to be in a similiar predicament," it noted, pointing to the destroyed Flyria.

"Oh... right," Gob echoed. "Hmm, I guess we all know what that means, we-"

"I'm goin' ta Mexico!" it interrupted as it jetted off south of the border.

"Drat," the fiend cursed. "I was gonna ask him to get me a sombraro."


Posted by
Aug 9, 2003

The weary party passes by an inn the next day, where a cloaked figure sitting in the shadows suspiciously eyes them.

"Good day, friends," the man replies. "Yes, I can see that you are very distrustful of my guise. Looks may be deceiving, however. Behold!"

The man tosses back his cloak and reveals a sword-hilt glowing blue...

"...then...are you..."

"...why yes, my friends. I am one of the order of the Retainers of Light."

"the - what!!?"

"The Retainers of Light," the man said, "in eternal servitude of the White Castle of the land of Ref."

At this, the party stirred. What White Castle?...was he talking about the Judge? any case, this might have been a person working in the name of spam...

"...I thought I told you that looks are deceiving?" the man mumbled. "I can tell you a great deal of the beginnings of the Spam invasions, and how they have managed to cause the land of Ref great evil."

"...three score ago, you will remember that a great shadow struck; it was, indeed, nearly dominant, until the allies of Justice disbanded the axis of evil. Now, however, we of the White Castle have reason to believe that Spam is a foul reincarnation of the dark shadow."

"Darth Sith?" one person inquired.

"BE MINDFUL OF YOUR THOUGHTS!" boomed the man. "Darth Sith does not stand long, he is to be replaced by Darth Vader if you need to know!...

...the question of Darth X is not to concern you, though. What I think you really need to know is how to balance your mindforce."

"Our... Mindforce?"

"You never knew your abilities to use magic? Your minds are divided into the Warrior, Spirit, and Summon. This is a large secret; most will refer to it as a balance of Power, Wisdom, and Courage, but now the secret of the Virtues seems to be fading.

Warrior magic is similar to the Black Magic of Final Fantasy. You, my friends, may not be able to learn this without joining the White Castle, and I do not want that to happen. I will, however, leave with you some of my Rune-Books; I think I have enough for all of you to learn several spells.

Spirit magic is like White Magic of FF. This is a very simple magic, basically it involves a very simple incantation or play of words. In most of you, I think your Mindforce is most inclined towards this one.

Summon magic is the most mysterious magic of them all. It takes a great deal of Mindforce to bend your will in the direction of summoning even so much as an arrow to strike a foe. Summon-spells can only be learned if you manage to first break the blades of twenty-five other opponents. Unfortunately, even if I wanted to, my Retainer's Edge is wrought of mithril-silver and possesses the Spirit Shield of the White Castle. I...don't know...but as far as I have seen, it was able to absorb some of the Spam-forces' most powerful spells."

"Umm....look, dude, I know you're good and all, but get to the point! We want to know all this magic trash!"

"Fine," the man grumbles. "For your reference, I am LieutenantEagle, the Pyro-Retainer of Light. Now then.... Gilthoniel, a Elbereth, incantus luminari.."

...The party is stunned as a pile of Rune-Books appears before them.

"All right. Please be careful when reading through these...if your Mindforce is bent in the wrong direction, there is no telling where you will end up. I once got thrown into the End of Time when I was a Paladin-Apprentice. Should you ever encounter need for my summons, here." LieutenantEagle gives the party a shuriken. "When you toss this Summon-Shuriken at a servant of Spam, I will come to your summons."

"....but, Lieutenant, what if we hit someone who is not a Spam-servant?"

"That is no problem. The Darth-Shield will simply bounce the Shuriken off a person who is not a Spam-servant. I shall be leaving you now, fare thee well. Apparus chateau blanc!"

[MG I think your adventure might now be even more interesting. If not, eat the shuriken]

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